Nasty Letter – So Silly!

Silly Songs with Larry is still funny when you are an adult.

Kris and I laugh so hard at I Love My Lips. 

Enjoy this letter I wrote in 2014 in response to The Water Buffalo Song.

Dear Sir,

I am writing you a nasty letter. What do you think you are doing? Your popular song has led many to believe that they own water buffaloes. I am not duped by your silliness, only seriously disturbed.

Yesterday at the café I overheard a ranting and repetitive conversation that went something like, “Where’s my water buffalo? Why don’t I have a water buffalo?” It was not helpful in creating the positive feng shui necessary for proper latte digestion.

I would like to inform you that I live North America. Your song naively suggests that a water buffalo could survive in the diverse temperatures of our continent by saying, “Everyone’s got a water buffalo.” “Everyone” is a general term that is far too inclusive in this situation and I do not expect that your song is about everyone having a dead water buffalo. For example, I do not own a water buffalo, and could name several hundred others in similar straits.  Google suggests that the beast is happy in Asia or even in a North American zoo, not paired off with a human, listening to silly songs away from the herd. Even those in Asia do not keep an individual water buffalo. You fail to mention in your song the importance of the herd.

How do you even know if I want a water buffalo, let alone a herd of water buffalo? I just do not have the space on my property to accommodate such beasts. What are we supposed to do when it snows? While it might be fascinating to show my neighbors, I actually do not even want a water buffalo (nor did it ever occur to me before your absurd limerick), so why are you singing that I have a water buffalo, along with everyone and their mother? What is the point? Your explanation of “where did we get them? I don’t know” does not suffice. You can’t say everyone’s got a water buffalo when everyone does not have a water buffalo!

Imperative revision of your song should include more descriptions of the habitat and community of the beast and less assumptions that humans are so foolish and fickle to each own a water buffalo. Even if there was a reason for needing water buffalo around, it is not cost effective in this age for “everyone” to house a different water buffalo at their residence. We see this with the rise of large farms for other animals like chickens and cows. While many eat eggs and drink milk, everyone does not keep the individual animal at their home.

Beyond the assumption that “everyone has a water buffalo” you expect those with water buffaloes to make comparisons about the speed of their animal by saying, “yours is fast, but mine is slow.” What do you mean by fast? Slow? Are you judging the abilities of the water buffalo? Shouldn’t you stand up for the characteristics of your buffalo? God made the water buffalo and suited it for herds, in Asia. What is the cut-off for slow? How do we determine if the water buffalo is just having a bad day? Are you aware of the rate of travel of the beast? Please conduct more research before writing your next song, albeit silly.

Finally, I would like to ask what store you are referring to in your water buffalo song. I do not know of any stores that keep their lima beans so loose and near to the entrance. Additionally, not too many establishments allow animals (yes, I am aware of PetCo), so what made the person in the song think that it would be an intelligent decision to take a buffalo into a store, namely a store that sells lima beans? Also, I would like to know who was responsible for picking up the lima beans after the episode. In your haste to remind the world of their water buffalo, you missed a teachable moment about responsibility.

Just stop being so silly!

Yours truly,

Allison


Buy the Silly Song DVD here!

Image from Pixabay

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